Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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