who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
