you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Randomize
