jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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