the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
