i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
