Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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