It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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