the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
