Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
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