If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Randomize
