someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
