Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
its not stalking. its research.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Randomize