My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
