If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Such a big mess for such a small penis
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
