I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
