Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Found your dick twin last night
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Randomize