Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
