I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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