Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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