First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
