I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Randomize
