Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize
