But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
