I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
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