Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
