I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Randomize
