Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
