sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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