honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
I can tuck mytits in my pants
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Randomize