I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Drake has all the answers
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
