I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Randomize
