Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize
