So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
