Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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