My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Randomize
