I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Just high enough for therapy.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
last night I used snow as a chaser
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
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