i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize