the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
