So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Holy sore nipples Batman
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
