Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
