My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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