as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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