i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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