Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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