Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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