He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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