Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Randomize