dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Randomize
