New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
PANTIES FOUND
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
