shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
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