Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Randomize
