Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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