i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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