The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I intend to get homeless drunk
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
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