Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Randomize
