Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
