ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Randomize
