her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
My butt remains clenched, sir.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Randomize
