I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
We named our party play list daddy issues
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
