God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize