words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
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