I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
I think i got beer on your cat.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
