im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
