Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
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