The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
You are the jesus of drinking
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
