I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Randomize
