So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
