The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Randomize
