Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
