You can't special order awesome
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
