Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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