i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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