i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
send nudes
from the living room?
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize