I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
