Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
no, he came in my armpit
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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