I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
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