Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Randomize
