I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
