Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Randomize
