Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
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