he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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