The maid of honor just puked.
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
