he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
