I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
