Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
