I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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