Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
