its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Randomize