11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize
