im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Randomize
