when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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