I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
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