don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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