So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
