I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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