Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Randomize
