Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Randomize
