this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
