Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
