Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
