She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
