she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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