did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
