You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
