Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Randomize
