Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
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