Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
