We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
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