So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
He? As in you personified your dick?
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
