I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Randomize
