I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Randomize
