you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
