tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I need a burrito and a hug.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
