Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
