hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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