Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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