I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
