operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
