Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Randomize
