On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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