His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
