Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
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