I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
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