proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
