the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
