matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
