No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
