babies were throwing up all over the place
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Randomize
