her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
