so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Randomize
