I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Randomize
